Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
