i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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