Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
