I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
