Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
