I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
