I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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