I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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