Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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