Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
