i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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