summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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