Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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