I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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