so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
