I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
