I smell stomach acid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
