no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
