All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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