i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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