You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize