glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
