At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
