I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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