my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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