you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
