i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
