Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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