it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
