I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
