someone owes me an orgasm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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