yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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