drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
