Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
