Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
