I can tuck mytits in my pants
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
