Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
