So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
