There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
