I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize