he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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