We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my shit smells like andre
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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