Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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