Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
