Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
