so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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