I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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