some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
