do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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