I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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