If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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