don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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