There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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