i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
