I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
