how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
