alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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