Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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