I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
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