i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
