Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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