omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
