On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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