it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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