I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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