I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
