Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
