she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
