she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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