you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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