who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
