theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
