i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
