ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
