The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
