So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
