so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
