I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
