are you so shy because you have an std?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
