Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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