what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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