I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
