mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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