Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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