we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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