The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
only if we run a train.
done.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize