I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
