Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
