No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
