Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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