So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
