Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
should my penis look like a turkey
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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