No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize