You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
