I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
