What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
