youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize