i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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