So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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