Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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