I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
