we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
