Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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