It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
