i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
