I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she looked like the before picture.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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