Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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