just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
