i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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