oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
