can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
