yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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