wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize